Recently, I helped serve coffee and iced tea at a middle school luncheon. Although most of my responsibilities were in a dining area composed mainly of students and their parents or grandparents, I did venture into the regular cafeteria for a few items. And I was instantly transported back to my days as a middle schooler and my attempts to navigate the lunchroom.
If you're like me, you have probably long since put those days behind you. But let me refresh your memory on what middle school lunch is like.
First, the cafeteria is packed full of talking, laughing and starving tweens. Everyone is jostling and bumping in line, hoping to get their food as quickly as possible and find a place to sit.
As for the seating, most of the seating arrangements are already determined by either groups of friends or cliques. As a result, the kids tend to sit in the same place and with the same friends every day. But there are still those kids with no one to sit with. They either sit by themselves at the far end of a table or they sit near another group hoping to be included.
After witnessing this middle school lunchtime phenomenon, I began to think about the challenges kids face in the lunchroom. Aside from trying to eat in short period of time, they also have to deal with cliques and bullying all while trying to make friends. But it's not always easy to tell the difference between a group of friends and a clique. While on the outside, both can appear the same, there are actually some very big differences.
For instance, cliques are controlling and exclusive whereas groups of friends are more inviting and supportive. Additionally, cliques tend to use peer pressure to get kids to conform and they tend to have bullies at the helm. Cliques also engage in relational aggression and even cyberbullying.
But as parents how do we tell the difference between a group of friends and cliques? Better yet, how can we help our kids cope with cliques? And what, heaven forbid, do we do if our child is the one doing the bullying?
Check out my articles A Clique or Friends? How to Tell the Difference, How to Help Your Child Cope with Cliques and What to Do if Your Child Is the Bully for more information on how to help your kids deal with this middle school phenomenon.
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